| dc.description.abstract | This is a creative nonfiction project created from my journey with mental illness. It was difficult to write-- because of the subject matter, of course, but even more because it was such a large project to take on. When I have a huge project, my anxiety acts up, and working on it amidst the panic and disorientation of COVID-19 pushed it further off the rails. I'm glad I was still able to present a finished product. Everyone's experience with mental health is different. This is my experience. I think it was worth writing, and I think it's worth reading because reading about other people's experiences on social media is what helped me realize what I was going through. Not that long ago, information about and acceptance of mental illness wasn't so widespread. I have anxiety and depression; when I was younger, I had suicidal thoughts. Even now, what's out there doesn't go into the grim details of it all. Fair warning, I do talk about times when I was suicidal, so if you are sensitive to that, be aware. When I was younger, there was a commercial on TV that described depression as feeling like an elephant was on your chest. I had depression, but that description never connected with me. I don't know why-- I certainly felt weighed down-- but what I imagined at the words "elephant on your chest" was more pain than heaviness, and I didn't hurt. I thought I was fine. In addition, I want to say that I cannot speak for people of color, people with disabilities, members of the LGBT community, or people outside of the middle class. I understand that there are many more complex layers of their experiences, and I have advantages because of who I am. I have a lot of gaps in my experience. I can't and won't speak for communities that I have no part in. I don't know if this will mean anything coming from me, but: your experiences do not have to be like mine for them to be valid. So, yeah. That's why I'm writing this. It's lengthy and personal and maybe even too much information, but it would've helped me. If I can help anyone, even just a single person, it'll be worth it. At the very least, it helps to know that you're not . . . crazy. | |
